don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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