his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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