My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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