ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
