Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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