Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
