Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
