there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
