I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
