So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
