I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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