End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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