I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
FUCK WHALES
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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