Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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