Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Farmville is her only friend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
