He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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