someone owes me an orgasm
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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