god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
