true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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