woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
