"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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