im six kinds of drunk right now
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
