just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
