He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
