never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
