Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
