Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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