Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
someone owes me an orgasm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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