Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
