Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
