i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
