Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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