it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
