There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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