I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
