Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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