okay pat passed out under dana's car
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
