Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
