Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
