What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
