Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
