I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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