phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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