Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
