Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
