I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
