we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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