I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
