I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
