I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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