sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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