I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
