Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
